So… apparently people keep sending me e-mail during my absence in order to check my OOO-messages as I’m hilarious as fuck! For your amusement and my uncontrollable urge to post funny stuff in order to make you laugh,  I present you the collection of my Out Of The Office messages.


I am só very out of the office!
Instead of just telling when and where I’m out, I’ve made a little quiz for your enjoyment! If you have no time for fun or had a bowl of Grumpio’s for breakfast, please scroll down past all the fun and check the details of my PTO at the end of the message.

Question 1: How long will Lonnie be gone?
A: Till eternity.
B: ‘Just’ 3 weeks.
C: She’s not gone, this is a hoax.

Question 2: Where will Lonnie go?
A: Scuba diving with SpongeBob in Bikini Bottom.
B: On a Tibetan knitting-trek through the Himalaya’s.
C: Glamourous camping in the south of France.

Question 3: What will Lonnie do during her break?
A: Wine, wine, sun, wine, reading, wine, more wine and nothing else.
B: Hiking, mountain biking, walking whahaha, sorry, trying to keep a straight face here.
C: Educating poor Tibetan kids on the importance of a good cable-knit.

Question 4: How jealous are you of Lonnie’s time-off?
A: Not at all! I wish her a great time! (and bit of diarrhea)
B: Mildly irritated, like when you’ve cut a chili and rub your eye afterwards.
C: I want her dead… More than Delores Umbridge and Justin Bieber combined.

Thank you for you participation! All the fun aside, here are the details: I will be out till Thursday the 18th of September. If le doodooh hits le fan, please get in touch with my manager, the divine goddess Laura P. (She can handle the god-like powers like Galadriel in LOTR who kept her composure and chose not to go bat-sh*t crazy on the power at hand. Unlike Loki who went nuts and did bad thingies.)

I have no back-up unfortunately, so all content requests will have to wait till I get back. If that is a problem, you can always change the language on my sites to Danish or German. I’m sure nobody will notice. See you on my return!
(Unless the answer to question 1 is A, in that case: Hasta la banana, you corporate slaves!)

Met vriendelijke groet,
Lonneke van Oostveen

Professional holiday-maker since 27-08-2014.


Sick-leave
I will be on sick-leave till Monday the 21st of July. (I hope) This is totally unrelated to Germany winning the World Cup (Yay to zee Germanz!) I need to undergo some surgery and depending on the quality of the surgeon and outcome of the procedure you might refer to me as ‘Frank’ when I return. Worst case scenario: I’ll have a lobotomy, in which case I’ll probably be promoted to management.

For Product Content questions, please contact Ola Yanez-Labuda (it’s Aleksandra actually.. long story, don’t ask).


Pre summer vaycaying 2014
I’m enjoying some personal time off till Monday the 16th of June. If you’d like to enjoy my PTO-spirit, please watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myvo7ef_UkI
(Totally NSFW..or maybe it is… Are you tough enough to click??)
For actual emergencies or if Kim K. and Kanye are getting divorced, please contact the fabulous Laura P. Otherwise I’ll be back on Monday the 16th of June.

Met vriendelijke groet,
Lonneke van Oostveen

Sr. Manager Rummikub, rosé and BBQ @ Hoenderloo.


Ascension day 2014
I’m spending the celebratory day of our good Lord’s ascension by being pampered in the spa, drinking very expensive wine and getting a pedicure with my bestie. I’ll need the Friday to recover from this holy feast, and to go to Ikea, so I’m back in the office on Monday the 2nd of June. Please expect a delay in my reply. Unless you’re that guy from accounting, then don’t expect a reply at all.


Easter weekend 2014
In celebration of the resurrection of our Lord I’ll be over-eating on chocolate eggs and bunnies, drinking lots of wine and watch Game of Thrones 24-7. I’ll physically be back in the office on Tuesday the 22nd, not sure if my brain will function as well. Please talk slowly or write your e-mail in a comprehensive language and don’t use words over 3 syllables.

Kind regards,
Lonneke van Oostveen

Sr. Consumer of Wine Content & Chocolates Benelux


Gutentag!
I’m endangering the slopes of Austria and probably suffer from Jägermeister-syndrome till Tuesday the 25th. I have no access to my e-mail, well, actually I do but I won’t check it. I’ll only use my phone to upload amazing pictures of me looking awesome in the snow and having fun. If you need any content related assistance, please don’t count on me! I’ll be back, sort of, on Tuesday next week!  

Tschüß!!
Fraulein Lonneke von Östveen
Sr. Ski Manager & Drinks Related Injuries Benelux


Bonjour,
J’ai will be doing ze travelling zies week. I’m in ze Paris l’office ti’ll Friday wiz accès minimal to mon e-maille. Excusez moi for any l’inconvenience in ze delay of ma réponse.

Sincères toudeloux,
Lonnique D’Oostveen


Ola pepiños!
I’m OOO till the 2nd of September, enjoying gamba’s and cocktails on the beaches of Altea. (Yes…hot as hell!) Please check my FB for envious pictures of feet on the edge of a pool, sunsets, mountains or frolicking in the surf to remind yourself you’re at work/not here/probably have rainy weather/have to spend time with your annoying kids.

  • For Product Content questions you can contact Aleksandra (Ola) Y.-L. or Laura P.
  • For Product Content NL-BE localization question, please contact Sandra R.

(For any other business, please contact me after my return. I’ll probably do CTRL+A+DEL  on my inbox  so it’s better to remind me again if you haven’t heard anything back🙂

Hasta la banana, gotta work on my tan now!

Sinceramente,
Lonita Consuela Garcia Ramirez van Oostveen De La Mañana


Sawadee Ka!
I ‘ll be on vacation to Thailand from the 8th of December till the 14th of January (hahaha) 2013 and will not be checking my e-mail.

Seriously… I do have a phone with e-mail capabilities but it will mainly be used to upload awesome photos of beaches, sunsets, food and screensaver-worthy views on Facebook to make you jealous. Please do not panic, stampede or otherwise become hysterical. There are other Content-heroes available to help you out. If you would prefer to receive extremely belated Content assistance, I will be back on Monday the 14th of January 2013*.

*Larger denomination bribes and/or large quantities of chocolate or other non-perishable (but tasty) food items will receive priority treatment.

In case you speak Thai:
สำหรับผู้ที่รำคาญกับการแปลผมจะไปเยี่ยมแสดง ping pong และจะกิน dogmeat. ฉันหวังว่าโดยไม่ต้องประหลาดใจลิงและ tranvestites.

Kind regards /ประเภทความนับถือ,
Lonneke van Oostveen
Sr. Cocktail Manager Prostitutes & Counterfeit Products


Going down south
I’m on PTO, slaying the Limburger mountains by bicycle, killing those hills with a smile on my face and singing my heart out like Maria in The Sound Of Music! (less Nazi’s though…) And hopefully returning with a nice tan. But knowing the Dutch weather I’ll probably play Scrabble inside the caravan for a week…

Kind regards,
Lonneke van Oostveen

Sr. Content Manager Hill Climbing & Alcoholic Beverages